In the analysis of parental attitudes toward children psychologists are two psychological dimensions: the shape of the child's behavior and character control emotional relationship to him. Violation of parental relationship to the child or parental plants in any of these dimensions, or simultaneously in both leads to serious defects in the child's personality development. For example, the lack of proper control over the child's behavior, combined with excessive emotional concentration on it, the situation tenderness, unprincipled compliance, continual emphasis on existing and non-existent virtues forms the hysterical character traits. The same consequences arise and indifferent attitude of the type "rejection."
Excessive control, the presentation is too strict moral demands, intimidation, suppression of independence, abuse of punishment, including physical, are, on the one hand, to the formation of a child cruelty, and on the other - can push him to attempt suicide. The lack of emotional contact, a warm attitude towards the child, combined with the lack of proper control and lack of knowledge of children's interests and concerns leads to cases of running away from home, vagrancy, during which frequently committed offenses. I think that many of the errors are very common among parents. In addition, I think that each of us also felt something like that in our childhood.
There are several relatively autonomous psychological mechanisms through which parents influence their children. Firstly, reinforcement: encouraging behavior that adults think is correct, and punishing for violation of the established rules, the parents introduce the child in mind certain rules of the system, with which compliance is becoming a habit for the child and domestic demand. Secondly, the identification: the child imitates the parents, guided by their example, trying to be the same as they are. Third, understanding: knowing the inner world of the child and sensitively responding to its challenges, parents thus shape his self-awareness and communication skills.
The best relationship between parents and children is when parents hold democratic parenting style. This style is most conducive to the education of independence, activity, initiative and social responsibility. The child's behavior is directed in this case the series and at the same time flexible and efficient: a parent always explains the motives of their demands and encourages them to discuss with your child (especially important to do it in adolescence and high school age); power is used only as far as necessary; obedience and independence is appreciated in the child. Unfortunately, many of us can make mistakes in upbringing our children, even without realizing it.
The extreme type of relationship, no matter whether they go in the direction of authoritarian or liberal vseterpimosti, give poor results. The authoritarian style is the alienation of children from their parents, a sense of insignificance and the reluctance of the family. Parental demands, if they seem unreasonable, cause or protest and aggression, or habitual apathy and passivity. The inflection towards tolerance cause the child feel that the parents do not have to his case. Many parents think they are doing good for their child. But this brings up hatred and the desire to go against the rules.
In addition, passive, interested parents may not be the subject of imitation and identification, and other effects of school, peers, mass media often can not fill this gap, leaving the child without proper guidance and orientation in a complex and changing world. The weakening of the parent beginning as its hypertrophy, contributes to a person with a weak I am. Children are very weak and fragile person. And when we try to raise some strong and independent personality, often easy to make a mistake that will come back to us in a few years as a consequence. I believe that this is a big problem for many parents.
Psychological studies on the Family indicates that distorted parental settings in most cases are not the ultimate cause of the anomalies and violations of family education parent-child relationship. Parent installation is quite often associated with marital relations, relationships with the families of the spouses parents and grandparents, the personal characteristics of adult family members and children. Many parents simply forget that they should limit their child on their own problems in life and in relationships. I think it is also one of the common problems and the reasons for problem children.
Children can become an arena of rivalry adults, means of influence or pressure, way of punishment or revenge. For children can be transferred to the negative emotions experienced by the other members of the family - a husband, his parents. In addition, parents may be emotionally or morally not ready for parenthood. They may lack parental motivation, sense of responsibility for the upbringing of the child can not be developed, or, on the contrary, hypertrophied; they may experience a shortage of self-respect and, therefore, does not feel right to supervise the child and to guide its development.
Faults of parents in raising their children, and can be caused by a number of other reasons. However, this does not exclude, but only confirms how diverse and complex issues of formation of the child's personality within the family, and how important it is to represent the difficulties that may face each parent, to possibly avoid trapping him errors in this important matter. In this regard, it makes sense to dwell separately on the characteristics of the typical style of upbringing, the most common in dysfunctional families. Of course, it's hard enough to raise a child properly. But each of us must try.
The surest way to improve the education of children in the family - the prevention of pedagogical mistakes parents. This in turn implies the realization and proper interpretation of the most typical of them. Common mistakes in family education can be divided into three groups:1) parents' misconceptions about the peculiarities of displays of parental feelings (parental love); 2) lack of psychological competence of parents about child development and age appropriate educational influence his methods; 3) underestimation of the role of personal example of parents and the unity of requirements to the child.
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