I and my partner really want to have babies. But I'm worrying a bit, because I don't know what will happen! I mean how will we decide what to do? Who will give food to our child and who is going to change diapers? Who will stand constantly at night and check if our baby is OK? Do you have such questions and how are you going to share the responsibilities in your family?
That will not the problem you need to decide beforehand, I mean all those details that you wrote about the feeding and diapers. First of all you need to know - who is going to work - and who will sit with the kid) That is the first question for all the couples who are willing to have a kid. There are some lucky people who work from home - or live with the income that does not demand to be out of home all the time. I know that in my case I will be the one working - cause I have a nice job. But that will leave me enough time to have my turn in changing diapers when I will return home)
If you have a reliable partner the problem or responsibilities is meaningless. But I think that a couple should do all the things together. And of course it is important to decide who will work in your family. But believe me that the very time you see your baby you will understand that all the fears about sharing responsibilities are not even worth attention!
I want to make you sure - nobody knows how it will be till try! As for me and my partner, we decided to do everything together. When we will be at home together, he will do almost all, but at nights I will wake up, couse my boyfriend should wake up for a work. And I will stay with baby at day time.
The good example of sharing responsibilities that I have - is my brother, his wife and my niece. Yes - that is not a gay couple - but I think that there is not much difference in regards of raising a kid. So - they both worked, my brother full time in the office - and his wife is working from home - she is a designer. And since she stayed at home all the time - they did not need to have a babysitter or anything like that. When my brother returned home - he took the full charge of the kid - diapers, feeding, entertaining and all that kind of stuff. So basically they both gave kids attention and care equally. I dont think that there should be any strict divide in the responsibilities between parents. Just think about what is the best for the kid - bot of you - and you will share those responsibilities perfectly)
I have a very good example of that actually) I live in Barcelona, and I have friends - gay couple here. Their story is pretty much unique itself - they have a huge age difference, nevertheless they got married the very year they met each other - and in the same year they adopted a girl. She was less then a year of age then. So they were both dealing with all the things that must be done about the kid. They did not really divide the responsibilities - each of them was a completely self sufficient parent. If there was something that must be done about their girl - nutrition, diaper change, caressing, bath - it was always done by the one who was closer to her at that moment. There were no shouts like "Tomi, the kid is crying - come here and deal with that!")
I think that everything is good when parents work together to maintain home and hearth. When parents cooperate, communicate fairly, and work together, everybody comes out ahead .First of all you should both think what you really want and need. You can make a list of responsibilities and exchange them every week. Think about your babies needs and find out who can satisfy them better. But I agree that it is highly important to decide who is going to work. Because it’ll be hard to do it together that’s why someone should sacrifice his work!
I have a little baby. I live together with my boyfriend. We look after our baby together. We have kind of free relationships in our family. I mean we do everything by our wishes. We don’t have any agreements who will do this or that. We just do what we should to do. If I don’t manage to do something my boyfriend always helps me and vise versa.
Yep...... it was kinda a problem in my family, cause we had to earn money and also to ook after a son)) well we talked a lot and finaly found the way out. we were with son in a week time.. i mean week for me, week for mu husband. fortunatelly our jobs et us do so)
I had an interesting conversation with a gay couple recently. they have a baby trough the surrogacy program, living in LA. The city is pretty much tolerant, and they are ok with walking outside in any time of the day with their kid. They were telling me about the funny attitude that people have towards them. when they walk down the street - people stare at them, and you can read the question in their eyes "Where's the mommy?")) and they were asked several times about "Well, how do you share the responsibilities, who is the mommy and who is the daddy today?". People think that is funny, and it is actually, even for the gays who have to answer that, but just because they understand how silly that point of view is.
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