. if you want to decrease the fear then you have to be ready mentally that you will have the child and you will not be alone anymore. i think that it is very difficult because if you are not prepared and you get the child yo will be very stressed and depressed because of it. sometimes you want to spend some time alone but you do not have an opportunity to do it. it is very bad. i think that you understand that you have to be prepared physically as well, you have to be always with your child, you will not have enough time for sleep and you will be always tired.
Easton wrote:, you have to be always with your child, you will not have enough time for sleep and you will be always tired.
Why are you scaring the poor dude?:)) It is all not that bad.. i t is even worse then that for the first year)) But - it gives you more satisfaction then anything else in your life - i can assure you! You will be distressed, tired, you will want to have some time for yourself, but that is much better then not to have the kind, when you want to have one. I did experience that on myself - and I am speaking basing on my own experience. So if you really want a kid - be prepared to have hard times, but you will not be disappointed, that I can promise you)
The thing is that you can not find a proper answer here Just listen yourself, your inner voice.. there should be some feeling and by the by, if you ask how,, then i guess it is the hint for you that you are not really ready for being a dadnnn I an sorry if it is rough, but i do not see your desire right now Talk to you partner better.
Ben_Roar wrote:It is all not that bad.. i t is even worse then that for the first year))
I've seen some young parents, that have had really hard times in the first several months of having the child. People, who eagerly wanted to have a baby, but who were unprepared for this . those are usually people, who used to hang out, who have had really active life. I mean, when people used to spend their time the way they wanted- and that had lot of energy, who liked the colourful life. And the life with a small baby is something that is very unlike that. Eventually they do overcome that period, of course. they do not have other choice. If they do not overcome that - well it it is a sad story in that case.
Just_R wrote: those are usually people, who used to hang out, who have had really active life.
I think that party guys would not consider to have a child, until they would have enough of their parties. I mean - I do not see the point for them to make such a decision. when you do feel that you got enough, that you want to change your life - then they settle down. And it automatically means they are ready. Speaking about the active way of life - many people still wage a really active life, even with the baby. they travel, do sports. Of course - it does become more difficult then it was - but it is definitely not impossible. That is a common stereotype, I think)
Paul_O wrote:That is a common stereotype, I think)
that is. And that is what restrains many couples from having the kids.. they are afraid of the commitments - they think their life will be stolen by some small defenceless creature, that is always hungry, always screams and shits in its pants) that is truth, on the one hand, of course.. but this is our natural necessity, the call of the nature. And I do not think that many can resist it, however strong the fear would be. thanks God, I do not have that kind of fear and that kind of thinking. I always liked to take care about someone , to be responsible... And having the kid is the best way to put those qualities to use.
Andreas_Maroon wrote: they are afraid of the commitments
People do not understand that commitments give the purpose to our lives. For me the great example of that was the acquaintance with the japaniese culture. the culture of Samurai was based on the loyalty to their commitments. they served their masters not only if they were not agree with their decisions, but even when their masters were simply insane. At first I thought that was the nonsense, but eventually I understood that it was not the loyalty to the masters themselves, but the loyalty to the commitments and the word of the Samurai himself.
Ben , you are scaring me with that example of the Samurai.. i do not think that the Japaniese culture is a good example in this case - it is too much alien for us and to authentic.. We are not speaking here about some sacred path of the search of the reason of your existence (too many "of" in one sentence)) We are speaking about more mundane things.. People do need the commitments you are right.. Because the commitments give us the confidence in the tomorrow. We cannot live happily in this society without that. We have to be solid, to make the basement of this society.
Andreas_Maroon wrote:Because the commitments give us the confidence in the tomorrow.
Yes.. but I think that the main commitment - the primary one - must be the commitment to yourself.. what will you do, if some other commitments simply can not coexist with your commitments to yourself, with the interests that you do have, with the things that you want? Sometimes you have to break the commitments to keep the loyalty to other commitments. That is why you need to have some solid priorities in your life. Such situations do happen - and people who promised themselves to keep all the commitments - they simply do not know what to do.
Andreas_Maroon wrote:Ben , you are scaring me with that example of the Samurai.. i
Agreed, me to) I never understood that kind of the devotion to whatever that might be.. I mean - i would gladly give my life for the people I really love - but to do that for your master - that would be too much for me. I know I would be a bad samurai) Anyway, I am agree that you should be committed to yourself first of all. If you will not live your life that way - all this life may appear to be a huge deception you would not want that I am sure.. You need to know what you really want, your real goal and dreams - and then to put them on the wages, with someone's other priorities and wishes on another side - and then look, if it is worth of it.
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