Hi, Seanreal! Just imagine - everyone doubt about all of these. I also think, that we ready for baby, but when I visit my friends with crying babies and see their tired faces... It's an awful feeling, that I can't deal with all this noize, dirt, sleepless nights... I can't say my boyfriend about it - as I see, he is full of enthusiasm, and I don't want to hurt him, but what if I can't? It's not a joke, it's people's life! And I decided to adopt only an older child, when all these pampers are in the past. So may be you should think, what scared you the most? If you clear it up, it would be easier to avoid this difficulties in future.
You will never know if you are ready or no - unless you will try that. It is the main point to be ready financially and socially. And to be ready psychologically.. You need to do that - and then your mind will adopt new conditions. That is the experience you must have - not a problem you have to solve and be able to say - yes, I am ready to have a kid) If you have the wish to have one - i think that is already the sign that you are ready) There is no particular condition of "being ready" to become a parent) There is just the wish for that - and the efforts you put in. When you will do that - you will only regret that you did hesitate)
Close your eyes and imagine that you're holding your child on your hands. You hear his laughing. You feel his breath. What do you feel it? Do you like it or are you scared? If you feel happiness then you're ready. Also you can have a practice with other children or you can attend courses for future parents. But believe me that babies change the world completely and they really can make you very happy!
Sean - if you "have that feeling" that you are not ready for that - then you are really not ready. Trust your feelings on this point. Having a kid is a serious step and challenge, there is no space and right for a mistake here. When you already have the kid - you cannot just say afterwards - oh, it was a mistake, I am not ready for that now.. That would terrible to say even if you would buy as dog or a cat... that would be irresponsible - and there are not many things that are worse then irresponsible parents. I am not putting the pressure on you, but mind me - if you feel you're not ready in this case - you are really not.
Seems that you do have the jim-jams) You know - that feeling that one has before making the first jump with the parachute, before a big concert - when you are standing behind the stage and awaiting for your name to be announced. That is a normal feeling) I think that if you do have those glimpses of the feeling, the strong desire to become a father - that means that you are ready. And this fear - it is going to disappear as soon as you will get involved in the routine of the usual life with a baby - all those nice and hard moments will leave no place for indecisiveness, and only calmness and satisfaction will remain)
It is not so good that you have doubts about it. You should be sure that you want to have a child. It is not a toy, you know. I think you should wait a little bit before you understand what you really want. I think that you will understand soon, but it is better not to make your decision in harry, It is life question I must say. Take some days off and spend them near the river, relax and think over.
The only way to understand whether you are ready or not is an inner feeling. first of all, just stay alone and ask yourself: do you really want to have a baby, are you ready to be responsibe for somebody's else life. to stay with a kid always, even in the hospita and be a support? if not.. then you are not ready.
My God, I think that I am writing about the same thing for the third time already) That makes me notice how many people who want to become fathers are unconfident. I will repeat myself once again then. The modern society teaches us individualism. That is the main value in the humanistic democratic society. that has both good and bad sides. One of the bad sides is that it makes people being egoistic. And having a child is a huge intrusion in your life, it will take alot of your strength and time. People feel that they might loose some of their personal space, and feel confused and uncertain. Having a child is not "taking away" something from you, is is only "making yourself bigger" trough the kid, so to say)
Ben_Roar wrote:many people who want to become fathers are unconfident
This is the second big reason for this forum to exist on the first place, in my opinion) People need to understand if they really want this, and to determine the things that are holding them off. I dont think this is bad.. As I said in one of the posts, we need to hold on to each other. It is ok for me to cheer up someone in this case.. And I do not see anything bad in the fact that the person asks it straight : "I am not sure about this, guys can you help me"? I am sure that a person who does have the wish for becoming a dad, is ready for this step. So guys, be more brave, and dont afraid to take some of our confidence here)
Andreas_Maroon wrote:we need to hold on to each other
We do need to hold one for each other, I am agree with you. And I will gladly cheer up someone or give the advise) What I am trying to say is that people these days are starting to get doubts about the very basic things that society is built upon. I mean, having a child. It always was one of the most important things that a person must achieve in its life. And now people, both men and women, often start to be "not quite sure" about that. In my opinion, this is not a thing you "might" do, but the thing that you must do! Maybe I am old fashioned (however strange that would sound towards the gay person), but I think that each human must become a parent. Or at least try to.
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest