How I became a happy dad!)

Ben_Roar
Posts: 153
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2016 7:26 pm

How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Ben_Roar » Fri Jul 22, 2016 9:36 pm

Hello guys. Since I am new here I would like to tell my story as the “welcome aboard” present. My name is Ben, that is short for the Benjamin. I am a native British person and I am married for three years already. My husband’s name is Mike and we never had any argues about the way we want to get the kid. Actually we wand 2 kids and our dream is fulfilled on 50 percent already.
I knew that I wanted to become a father since I was very young. But if you are gay you have more problems on the way to your dream. Both me and my husband wanted to have kids who would be connected to us biologically so we started to observe the process. In the very beginning we faced with problem - my husband was infertile. That was a huge strike for us since we both were eager to have kids that will be biologically connected to us. It took us several months to think all over and to recover. In the end we decided to use my “little guys”, and to accept our bad luck just as the fate, that we cannot change. When we were discussing the situation during those several months Mike confessed me in his fears. He was afraid that if we use surrogacy and my seed to get the child, then he will be something like the “third wheel”, something unneeded and almost alien to our family. I was shocked by this announcement and I said that it had never even occurred to me. I started to convince him that nothing can be further from truth. We will take equal parts in raising the child and when he grows up he will know that we both are his fathers. Basically Mike was scared not by the fact of his infertility but by this menace of being a stranger in his own family. I gave him the time to think about it all. When I am thinking about that now I see that in those 2 months our marriage was hanging on the straw thread. Eventually and to my great relief, my husband understood that the best choice he can do is just to accept the things the way they are. Then at last we decided to go to the agency. And how glad I am now that we chose the right one. Not only because we got all the best services there. When we were waiting for our second consultation there in the hall, we met another gay couple, who were planning to make the second kid already. They told us of their story. And it was even more tragic cause one of them was HIV positive that made him “virtually” infertile as well. When we had a conversation with them, they told us about their experience and this second guy explained Mike that he passed through the same doubts that my husband did. Eventually when they had the first kid he forgot his fears completely, and understood that this is his child, as much as his husbands. I remember tears in Mike’s eyes some time after. He did not confess but I know that it was the day when he actually defeated his fears and understood that it will be OUR child, not only mine.
In the agency we met our surrogate mother - Anna. We did spend some time getting known each other. She is a good woman but we are glad that clinic uses only donor eggs because we still had some fear that surrogate would refuse to give the child back in the end of the program. Making long story short - we are glad that we went through the surrogacy program. And that evening when we got a call - that the baby is already on the way - we will never forget that)
That is my story. It has both bright and sad sides, but, eventually, everybody is happy!)
User avatar
Stephan
Posts: 165
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:13 pm

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Stephan » Sat Jul 23, 2016 5:16 pm

That is reaaally impressive story and i think you are great parents, cause you passed through great difficulties and you managed to stay the same and even better... Now you are having a child.. I guess you know now what does it mean to be parents, to be responsibe and happy)))
Billy
Posts: 119
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 11:20 pm

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Billy » Mon Jul 25, 2016 12:07 pm

Ben, my congratulations to you, because I am always very glad, and happy for guys who are succeed in surrogacy program, or in adopting procedure, because I know for sure how it is difficult, and sometimes even painful for the whole family. Hope, that your baby will be the happiest kid in the world.
Andreas_Maroon
Posts: 176
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 11:39 am

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Andreas_Maroon » Mon Jul 25, 2016 12:39 pm

Ben, congrats to you! I wish to hear more stories of this kind here ion the site. I would like to hear some more details from you on the topic..The agency contact info, perhaps? I do have the fiancé, and we decided to go trough the surrogacy program. And I am sure you read on this forum that the first problem people do encounter is the problem of choice. Too many agencies, too many bad feedbacks. Anyway, I hope that you will continue to share your experience with us in other sections of the forum as well. We all need to stick together, share information and comfort each other)
Ben_Roar
Posts: 153
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2016 7:26 pm

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Ben_Roar » Mon Jul 25, 2016 12:55 pm

Thanks guys! I cannot give you more info then I did already.. The agency I was using is Biodads - and I am sure that you can find a lot of info about them on the internet. I am sure that many of you will succeed with your wish to have a kid, but I hope also that you are going to be ready for this. Because it is both joyful and hard! You always have the wide choice of other options and agencies, of course. If we would able to have the second kid trough the surrogacy program - I would use the services of the same agency without a doubt. Though, here the circumstances are against us..
V_Vegas
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2016 11:38 am

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby V_Vegas » Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:10 am

I am joining to the opinion of all the people in this post - we all are happy for you) It is always a pleasure to hear such good stories.. But, as any story from the real life, it has it's bad sides. I am sorry to hear about your husband, good that he was able to accept the situation eventually. I am sure that he will be as happy as you are.. I mean, that he is already that happy)) Did you raise that topic again, about his infertility and the fears that he had? I hope not. there are couples that have much worse situations, a good example is that couple you've met in the agency, with the HIV positive guy.
Harry Oz
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2016 9:22 am

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Harry Oz » Tue Jul 26, 2016 1:21 pm

Thank you for sharing your story. I congratulate you with your baby. It is great, you gave hope for others.
Is it hard to be a father of newborn?
Ben_Roar
Posts: 153
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2016 7:26 pm

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Ben_Roar » Wed Jul 27, 2016 8:58 am

V_Vegas wrote: Did you raise that topic again, about his infertility and the fears that he had?

No, we never came back to that. Not because we made it to be a taboo, but because he overcame that fear. When he is holding our girl on his hands, he sees that there is nothing to fear, that he is the closest person in her life, as well as I am. Now we are considering about the adoption, and he shows high initiative in it. But I am sure that is not because he still wants to "play off" for this kid, he is not that silly. Else way I would not marry him) He is going to the expedition to Peru in winter, and he has plans to visit some adoption centres there. Though he told me that if he decided he found the kid that he want to adopt, he will take me there and we will make that decision together.
User avatar
Chase
Posts: 201
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2016 12:18 pm

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Chase » Mon Aug 01, 2016 1:12 pm

i am really happy for you that you have gone through this long journey and now you have the child. i think that now you really understand that you are the happiest person in this world . i know what it is like to have the child because i a the father of the wonderful girl and i think hat i am the happiest person in the world when we got our daughter , i think that it was the best in my life. i can not tell you about feelings but i think that you imagine what they were like. my emotions were just great. :) :)
Andreas_Maroon
Posts: 176
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 11:39 am

Re: How I became a happy dad!)

Postby Andreas_Maroon » Mon Aug 01, 2016 5:27 pm

Ben_Roar wrote:No, we never came back to that.

Ben, I did read some of your posts here. And you mentioned that your husband is a speleologist , or something like that. I mean, that he has an active way of life. He will recover from that terrible strike he had.. I mean the news about his infertility. He has an active and colourful life, and that means a lot - he will not simply decay in his own misery. Besides, he has such a great family! You are a really happy man, Ben, and I hope that one day I will be as happy as you. I can't say that I am miserable right now of course) But when I read your posts, I can almost feel you irradiating positive energy around you)

Return to “Fathers’ section”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest