I have a happy family: a husband and a child. But recently, my husband and I have started to have conflicts in the question of upbringing. We how to say have different approaches to this issue. For example, I cannot help but react when a child is crying, and my husband says it's only hysteria by which our baby aims to get what he wants, and parents should not react to such hysterics at all. And so we begin to argue. And there are quite a lot of petty situations in our life which appeared recently. How to avoid conflicts in the process of upbringing? How my and my husband’s conflicts are reflected on our child? Need you advice!
First of all, you must not let the conflicts to influence on your kid. therefore, in order to keep your child from the psychological stress, when you and your husband do want to shout at each other - you should leave the room, and preferably the house, to be sure that the kid will not hear your screams and shouts. Second. If the quarrel becomes the fight - be aware that it is better to punch and kick your partner in such areas of his body, where the kind will not notice the bruises. The belly, for example. And, of course, when you are going to return to the house - make a look as if nothing happened)
Do not forget that in this family conflict there is another character - your child. While in the heat of recrimination and dispute the couple gets the feeling that this is a purely adult quarrel, in fact, the main character in this situation - a child. If we adults do not come to some kind of compromise, he would be caught in the crossfire with all the consequences of these unfortunate consequences. Think, if two adults can’t find the right solution to the contentious issue of what to speak of the child with his psyche has not yet formed, and ideas about the behavior and interpersonal relationships? In the eyes of a young child parents - a role model, and often a whole. And then this whole is divided into two warring halves. Therefore, you should always look for a compromise.
Every adult has its own clear ideas about education had long before there will be their own children. And this is not surprising. All of us were once children and we brought someone: parents, grandparents, teachers ... Behind all of us - your individual experience with our positive or negative attitude to it, depending on whether he was beneficial for our future adult life, or caused us, from our point of view, permanent damage. Therefore, methods of education are all different. But I agree with Adam that any quarrels affect children. So, even if you have quarrels you should not show it to your children and the results of these quarrels should not affect your children!
Every adult has its own clear ideas about education had long before there will be his own children. And this is not surprising. All of us were once children and we brought someone: parents, grandparents, teachers ... Behind all of us - your individual experience with our positive or negative attitude to it, depending on whether he was beneficial for our future adult life, or caused us, from our point of view, permanent damage. Therefore, methods of education are all different. But I agree with Adam that any quarrels affect children. So, even if you have quarrels you should not show it to your children and the results of these quarrels should not affect your children!
this is a common question in couples, I think. First of all, all your suggestions in the upbringing of the kid must be based on the care about the kid - what is going to be better for him. then you need to understand, if you do see this point the same way. That is important. If the goal is the same - then the problems almost solved. Then you need to decide, if you have the same ways of achieving that goal. That is pure technical problem, I think. Anyway, in the end, if you were together long enough to have the kid, you are going to find some kind of a decision, a compromise.
There are some common things, some basic principles, that are common for all the societies on our planet - with, perhaps, the exception of some savages in some countries of the third world. I mean the humanistic values. The values of the Christianity (I mean, without the relations to the cult and to the Church itself). Those are love, compassion, respect.. we all know the list. the ten Commandments. I think those simple rules are the only right basis for the upbringing. All the rest - are just the details, and I do not think that there can be some big quarrels about those. In the end - the child has its right for self expression - and that relates to the traits of the character as well.
this is pretty sad , of course, but you did not mention what exact questions created this kind of problem between you and your husband. Maybe if you would tell us more detailed what is this all about - we would be able to give you some useful advise. I think that in the situations, where 2 people can not solve the problem because of the opposite opinions on this problem, it would be wise to involve some third party. Some person that you both do trust. Maybe someone of your friends, or the person that you do both have a big respect to. the main thing is to think about what is better for the kid, of course.
I think both of you need to sit and discuss the main problems where you have different opinion. Every time you see you react to the situation in different ways try to find the best approach. If a child is crying it’s simple you need to find out the reason. If you know it you know how to make him not cry. I think crying usually shows a child is lack of attention. If he is engaged in activities he will hardly ever cry. To ignore is not the best solution. In every such misunderstanding you can find the best way out. You just need to see the point of your opponent and tell yours. You are sure to find some common conclusion.
Rick14 wrote:If he is engaged in activities he will hardly ever cry.
Sorry, Rick, I am not agree on that. My experience showed me, that the most often reason for the kid to cry is not the lack of the attention - they get use to that pretty fast. the main reason usually is the lack of love. I know that you can object that those are the same things. But that is not true. When the guy see his kid twice a week - but they spend really great time together - the kid is always happy and anxious to see his dad. And when they spend lot of time together - but the father behaves like the lowest bidder - that makes the kid cry indeed!
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