Many times I have heard the view that household chores and routine kill love. I live for some time with my partner and we have very good relations. But looking at our friends, I notice that they have a lot of quarrels based on domestic issues. How can this be avoided? Guys, tell me, how are you? Do you live together with your loved ones or going to? What the difficulties have you faced, having began to live together?
My husband and I have a few years of living together and for us it is very easy to go for a compromise: goes to the store and cooks food the one who came home from work earlier, washes the dishes, who quickly ate, he cleans, I do the laundry. Of course, I love it more when he cooks, but I often come home earlier. Once he taught me by phone to cook soup. For us, household work is a joy.
Well i did not have much experience, cause we have started living with my future husband ony for tree months and untill now we do not have any problems. we do even ove to do things togeather even cleaning brings peasure, you know.. but i guess if you have strong relations, you'll manage to cope with routine.
It often happens, that people, who do seem to fit each other perfectly on public and on vacation, for example, are unconmpletable in the every day life. every day life - the domestic chores and routine, as you call it, is a completely other universe. the people are showing themselves there from another side. that is the "private territory" for both of them, and sometimes people are used to be on their own too much, to share that private space with anyone else. Usually that happens with older people, who are trying to get into the relations. you always need to be willing to compromise.
I think that is only true for people who do not know each other well. and I think that a couple must have a pretty long period of living together in order to move on with their relations to the next stage, the marriage and having kids. when people are ok being together in some casual and non romantic environment for a long time, that means that these two are completable. So the question is rather not about the routine killing the relations, but about the routine that tests them. No serious relations will suffer from constant presence of your beloved nearby, even if that happens day by day, and most part of your activities are housekeeping)
In the case of the expectations from the marriage a constant euphoria, unwillingness to work on the maintenance of love - yes, the probability that the routine will kill love is great. Love - it's not a constant euphoria. Yes, it's euphoria in some moments, but that it is at least sometimes, we have to work on it ... But can you imagine how it would be intolerable and sickening, if euphoria lasted a day or two, a week, a month, a year? Yes, all will be sick from such euphoria. Would have ceased to feel it and appreciate. All religions of the world believe that this world is not created for the cloudless happiness, but as an arena of struggle between good and evil. This should be a pretty good idea, instead of looking for fun. Then the feeling is not routine.
I have never felt it myself, cause i am not sure, how is it to have the same household chores. I haven't yet lived together with a guy.. our relations are serious but we haven't decided to live together. but if you feel it, perhaps you have tot talk first and change something?
I think they do kill the relationship, if those relations were shallow and pointless. but they do make them only stronger, if they are deep and real. that is obvious, in my opinion. when the people, while they are being together, enjoy both romance and everyday routine, like washing the dishes, doing all the housekeeping and all the stuff, then they are in much stronger relations. that is why it is a good idea to start living together before some serious commitments will be arranged, like the marriage and having a kid. Someone did write about that here, and I am completely agree.
Miller wrote:In the case of the expectations from the marriage a constant euphoria,
You made me recall those times when I felt that euphoria... I cannot say that it did pass away completely in my case. Even though we are together for more then 5 years with my husband, sometimes I still feel that we are in love only recently, and the freshness of the very first feeling is still with us. I suppose that is what they call "to find the soul mate". For us all the house keeping, shopping, the renovations in the house (that we've done all by ourselves), all this did not blunt the feelings, quite on contrary. the "euphoria" started to sparkle in new colours we've never seen before)
I do not think that when 2 mature people are having the goal to make a family, such things would represent any problems. Basing on my own experience, I can say that me and my fiancé never have had such problems, even though we are living together for more then 3 years already. I like it actually, and I like it more and more as the time goes by. You start to know the person better, you start to become closer and closer, and you do not even know where is the point at which this process may end.. this is a wonderful feeling! If people do not feel that while living together, perhaps there is something wrong with their relations.
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