if the love is not mutual

Andreas_Maroon
Posts: 176
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 11:39 am

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Andreas_Maroon » Thu Jul 21, 2016 8:48 am

Richard wrote:maybe the problem exists just in your head

Richard - I will surprise you with the next statement - all the emotions, thoughts and dreams - that all does exist only in our heads) Though that does not mean that those things are not real) They drive us, give us motives for real actions that do change the outside world. That is why all those emotions, thoughts and dreams should not be taken lightly. Regarding of relations - it is important to distinguish the wishes and perspectives from the fears - in relations we are driven by both of those forces - and it is important not to build your relations on the basis of the fear. If you are afraid that someone is going to leave you - all your actions and thoughts will be built on the fear. That is not a solid foundation.
Ben_Roar
Posts: 153
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2016 7:26 pm

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Ben_Roar » Thu Jul 21, 2016 7:35 pm

Hey Jared! How is the progress with that guy you lie? Getting married soon?) I see that the opinions divided here - some people advise you to get rid of that feeling - and some think you should persist. I think I am going to join latter ones - because that was exactly the same way how I met my real love, my husband, I mean. If I would not be persistent - I think I would still be single - and my life would go in completely other direction. Consistency and stability are the base for long term relations. In case if that is what you want, of course. And if that is just a light crush - then you can just let it go - there will be many others in your life!
Nory
Posts: 100
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2016 6:51 am

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Nory » Fri Jul 22, 2016 9:23 am

Hi everybody here) I am good aware with this. I had an experience that turned very nasty. Somebody cared for me much more than I for him, then in time I grew to care for him also but to a lesser degree. 8-) 8-) 8-) But then he turned nasty and tried to exact revenge on me for what I think were the hurts of the past. He had apparantly thought that he could inflict pain because I started to care for him. Rather sick I thought but nevertheless it did hurt badly because by this stage we had 2 beautiful children. :D :D :D :D Well obviously I left the relationship but because of the children the hurt still continues.
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Stephan
Posts: 165
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:13 pm

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Stephan » Fri Jul 22, 2016 10:16 am

Wel, if the partner, or future partner does not feel the love to you, then i am afraid there is nothing what can be done from your side. no of caurse you can stay beside and wait him to fal for you, but who really know, wether it happens one day, or not. Just leave it and if he is for you. he wil be with you.
Andreas_Maroon
Posts: 176
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 11:39 am

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Andreas_Maroon » Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:00 pm

Ben_Roar wrote:Consistency and stability are the base for long term relations


Ok, I am glad that I am not lonely in my opinion) I am agree with you completely, and I think that the author of the post must listen to your opinion - since you do have the family already and you know how the things must be done. But once again, that is so only if you want to have the family. Honestly, this guy sounds much like a teenager in love, like in that RHCP song) Too much sweetness and tears in his post) I think that"crush" will pass pretty soon. Maybe that had happened already , since we do not see any new comments here on the topic that he had created himself. Maybe the topic is closed already)
Just_R
Posts: 223
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2016 8:30 am

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Just_R » Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:14 pm

Ben and Andreas, I like your attitude towards this situation) And I like guys like yourself. In my case, unfortunately, I was never able to be that way. Because I decided lightning fast if I need the person or no. And I never had these Mexican soap operas about the love that is not shared, cries in the night and this sweet pink foam on the internet boards)) And now I am thinking - maybe it was not that god Maybe I did miss something? Anyway, perhaps you do have a point about the persistence and patience. Those are often not the best traits for a cool love affair, but they are great for having a family.
Paul_O
Posts: 140
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2016 8:34 am
Location: Helsinki

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Paul_O » Mon Jul 25, 2016 11:23 am

Andreas_Maroon wrote:that"crush" will pass pretty soon

I would not be that sure about that) My last "crush" lasted for more then 2 years. And that was not because of shallowness of feelings that we broke up. That happened due to more serious reasons. Anyway, when you do have that "crush" - why not to follow it till the end - whatever that end would be?:) In any case - you are not loosing anything. You will get some new interesting experience, will know a person pretty well, and for me that always means to know better myself. There are many positive things about getting into relations, even if that is just a fast love affair)
V_Vegas
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2016 11:38 am

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby V_Vegas » Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:28 am

Guys, I think you are giving the wrong advice when you say that you should not pursue your "crush".... One of the worst questions in our life is "What if..." . What, if I would try to make something with this guy? What if I would apply for that job? What if I would not refuse to go to that trip? You never know what may wait you after each turn in your life. And the possibility that you did not use, is a chance that you've lost. I advice everyone, always try something new, dont be afraid to pursue your dreams, elseway you may be regretting all the rest of your life about that. So I advice the author of the post to give it a try.
Martin_T
Posts: 43
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 10:35 am

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Martin_T » Wed Jul 27, 2016 4:55 am

If not mutual love happens, it makes us its hostages, often robbing sanity and paralyzing our normal daily life. You can try to get your boyfriend back, but only if it corresponds to your principles. If you are not yet ready to admit that your love is not mutual and you need something to do, if anything, you could do you have tried, there remains only one thing - to wait. Be yourself, smile, make friends, and wait. Perhaps once something changes in his mind, and he will understand that happiness has always been close, and there was no need to look for him. Also think thoroughly if the person is really worth of your efforts. Maybe it's time to let him go!
Ben_Roar
Posts: 153
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2016 7:26 pm

Re: if the love is not mutual

Postby Ben_Roar » Wed Jul 27, 2016 8:28 am

V_Vegas wrote: One of the worst questions in our life is "What if..."

You are right of course, but the topic is about another thing here... It is not about the possibility that you do have in front of you, and you restrain yourself from using it, when all you need to do is to make a step. the question is about some "goal" that you are trying to reach for sometime, but you understand that you are not making any progress in it. and you are asking yourself, if it is worth it, if it is what you really need, or if you are simply wasting your time. That is a question of stubbornness and persistence, rather then inability to make the decision and overcome your fear.

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