Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Ben_Roar
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby Ben_Roar » Fri Jul 29, 2016 8:53 pm

Andreas_Maroon wrote:Ben, you do have the greatest situation with the kids, you will have both biological and adopted one..

It is so) Unfortunately, the circumstances do not allow us to act any other way. But we decide to accept things the way they are, and to be happy with what we have. And we are happy indeed. My husband flies to Peru in several months. We decided that he will search for some adoption options for us there. If he will find the child that he will get bounded to emotionally, then I will come there to approve the choice, so to say) Actually I was the one who told him, that he is free to do his choice. But he insisted that I must have my part in this too. That was really nice of him)
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Chase
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby Chase » Tue Aug 02, 2016 12:21 pm

i have already gone through the surrogacy and that is why i think that i will never choose adoption because surrogacy seems to have more benefits for me than adoption. but if i still want to adopt the child then i will choose the younger child. i think that it is better to adopt such a child because he or she does not have the psychologic trauma. of course it is more difficult to raise the child but still. you are definitely right that it is difficult to convince the child that you will never leave him.
Just_R
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby Just_R » Wed Aug 03, 2016 10:06 pm

Ben_Roar wrote:Unfortunately, the circumstances do not allow us to act any other way.


I read your story, Ben, I am really sorry to hear about your husband. But this is life, nothing ever goes as well as it "must", I know that. Anyway, did you decide the details if the adoption already? You were saying something about Peru.. Is that a good choice? that far from your land, and the legal stuff.. I am sure that it would be really noble and.. exotic, but I am not sure! Or at least somewhere in Europe. you will save lot of money and nerves that way!
Me personally, if I would adopt the child, I would do that in my country. I see no point of going across the globe and search for the child there.
David
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby David » Tue Aug 09, 2016 9:35 pm

I agree one hundred percent that it is much better to grow up the child from fis birth. Firstly, you will have strong connection and the child will be sure that you are his real parent who cares of him all his life. That's important. Secondly, you can behave the child like you want, and when you adopt the elder one it will be the child with the certain character, which he had got from the other people in the children's community. The last but not the least, you will be able to feel how it is to be a parent even if you pass through all that difficulties in the younger age.
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Josh_H
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby Josh_H » Thu Aug 11, 2016 5:49 am

Well i am not going to Aadopt, at least now i and John do not have such an idea.. perhaps in future) But if I were you, or a coupe who is going to adopt, I would choose a kid, who calls the parental feeling in me, you know? If it is an adult, et it be, it would be mine)
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Brendon_L
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby Brendon_L » Mon Aug 15, 2016 10:33 am

In this age i am, i guess i woud answer adults, teens.. I would choose them cause i can find the common language exactly with such kids. but who knows how my tastes chande when i grow up.. it is possible that i can like more kids, younger kids...
Ben_Roar
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby Ben_Roar » Thu Aug 18, 2016 5:44 pm

Brendon_L wrote:I would choose them cause I can find the common language exactly with such kids

you may be surprised, how little common things will you share with them, Brendon. You are not becoming a pal, a friend, not even older brother. Becoming a father means quite different commitments and treatment. Though on the other hand, if you are adopting a teenager, perhaps being more a "friend" then a "father" will be a good option. Teenagers do not like to feel the authority, especially if they were growing up without parents or in the bad family. So being more like an older brother may give him both the feeling of freedom, and feeling of protection and guidance by someone more experienced.
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JanisNiv
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby JanisNiv » Fri Aug 19, 2016 1:25 pm

it is obvious that when you plan a kid you want to see all the stages of his life. and most couples usually choose new born babies, or simply younger kids.. adults, teens - are first o all considered problematic and too agressive some times. that is why i would choose younger, i guess.
Paul_O
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby Paul_O » Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:37 pm

Ben_Roar wrote:you may be surprised, how little common things will you share with them,

Perhaps you are right. It is both due to the age difference, and the difficult conditions that the kid experienced during the first years of his life. On the other hand, how can we allow the children to grow up in the orphanages? that is really cruel.. this is a difficult question. If I would met a kid like that, and we would feel that we are close to each other mentally, I would risk to do that.. though that will happen not earlier then I will pass trough the surrogacy program with my fiancé. Ben, in your situation this is a choice that does not depend on you.
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Easton
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Re: Adopting: will you choose younger or elder child?

Postby Easton » Sun Aug 21, 2016 3:12 pm

i think that you choose it on your own. it is very difficult to find a way to communicate with the adopted child as with your child. if you are talking about teenager then i think that it would be really stressful for both of you and you have to have a lot of patience. but if you show the child that you are not bad and you do not want to hurt him then i think that you will not have any problems. just be yourself and try to be friends with your child. of course you have to be strict because without it the child will rule you .in any case it does not matter , the most important thing is to love the child.

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