Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Paul_O
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Paul_O » Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:41 pm

Ben_Roar wrote: Eventually, it gave him much more then that.

this is what it is all about. Though I am not sure that all the parents who go for the adoption really able to do that, to give that much. That is the reason why people are spending almost a year with the kid before they will have the right to make the decision about adoption. At least that is this way in my country. Sometimes people do see in some time that they will not handle the task, and there is no shame in giving up in this case. This is a great commitment.
I am not sure that we would handle with that with my fiance... That is why we decided to go trough the surrogacy program basically.
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Easton
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Easton » Sun Aug 21, 2016 3:10 pm

yeah, it will be a bit difficult but the problem is that you will not love him as your child. i think that you will never love someone's else child as you may love your own. it is just impossible and i think that it is not right. but you can not make anything with it. it is not your child. but these are only my assumptions and maybe when you adopt the child you do not think whether he is your or not. and i think that in most cases it is in such a way. you just love this child because you spend a lot of time wit him and you never think about his birth ;) ;) ;) ;)
Andreas_Maroon
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Andreas_Maroon » Mon Aug 22, 2016 2:01 pm

Easton wrote: the problem is that you will not love him as your child.

I am not agree with you, completely. Have you known many people, who have adopted children in their families? What is the point to adopt the child, if you will not love it as your own one? Actually the definition of "your own child" is more then just genetic relation. I know, it is strange to hear these words from the person who choose the surrogacy above the adoption. But I have my reasons, and I know exactly what I want. People who adopt kids would never do that if there would feel the possibility of loving the adopted child less, then their own one. I think it is simply pointless, as I was saying.
Ben_Roar
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Ben_Roar » Tue Aug 23, 2016 6:00 pm

Easton wrote: you will not love him as your child

I am agree with Andreas. What is the point of the adoption then at all? If you think that you will not be able to love him as strong as you would love your won kid, it is better to reconsider about adoption at all. Especially if you already have a kid. Imagine the life of this poor child... He will be orphan in his own family, if the parents will love him less then his step brother or sister. We will adopt the kid soon, this year, perhaps. And we both know that we will make no distinction between him and Susan, we had a talk about that with my fiancé. And we are completely agree on that point.
Just_R
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Just_R » Thu Aug 25, 2016 3:02 pm

Guys, do not be that fast in judging this point of view. There may be truth in saying, that you might not love the adopted kid as much as you would love your own one. the thing is that you will understand that only when you will adopt him and spend some time with him. What if eventually you are going to have another kid - from your seed, and you will start noticing that you do love your kid more then the adopted one? I think this is worth of the consideration. I would not risk to adopt the child, if I would have plans to make my own one afterwards.. And if I would already have mine - then I dont see any point in doing that.
Ben_Roar
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Ben_Roar » Sat Aug 27, 2016 6:54 am

Just_R wrote: There may be truth in saying, that you might not love the adopted kid as much as you would love your own one.

That is so. That is why a person should consider about that. And that is why you cannot just walk in the adoption center, point the finger on the kid and say "Wrap me this one, please". Potential parents spend lot of time with the kid they want to adopt, and they do see if there are any emotional problems or problems of any other kind. As for me and our choice to adopt the kid, I know myself well enough to know how will I love and treat the kid. So I do not worry about such things. Adoption is a much harder choice emotionally, then the surrogacy, for example. And it demands much more conciousness.
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DamonLink
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby DamonLink » Sun Aug 28, 2016 6:31 pm

I am on the side that YWS it is a bit difficult. it is the same when you divorse and you kid have to feel the same suffering as you. :? :? But also a lot of things depend on the age when the biological father left him, i mean the kid. if it happened at an early age, then it would bring much less harm than it should ;) ;)
Miller
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Miller » Mon Aug 29, 2016 3:04 pm

Unfortunately, parental refusal affects the child's development and the formation of his own self-esteem. Children that were left, may completely abandon their consanguineous parents. You will see it when the child will express a desire to be the complete opposite of his biological parents. Parents in this situation should emphasize the uniqueness of the child's qualities. Let such a child to share his thoughts and views. Children that were left, may idealize the biological parents, they can give parents the qualities that they do not have in reality. Let a child freely verbalize his memories of his parents. Children, who have been abandoned, have low self-esteem. In such situation repeatedly explain to the child that he is not guilty. Be specific when praising this child. And the main thing love your child.
Just_R
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Just_R » Mon Aug 29, 2016 3:08 pm

Miller wrote:Children, who have been abandoned, have low self-esteem.

Not always they do. Though this is a pretty usual effect, some of the kids start to hate their parents. And in the future they do hate any patronizing way of behaviour towards them. Those are very self sufficient people. I knew one guy of that kind. He was abandoned by his parents and was raised in the orphanage. He managed to get to the university, he had all the highest grades there. He is a CEO of one major bank in LA right now. Lot of money. No beloved, no family. I do not know what is worse, this , or just a low self esteem.
Andreas_Maroon
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Re: Is it difficult to make a child happy when his biological parent left him?

Postby Andreas_Maroon » Tue Aug 30, 2016 6:25 pm

Just_R wrote: No beloved, no family. I do not know what is worse, this , or just a low self esteem.

that is a really sad story.. Though i cannot tell, what is worse of those 2 things that yo mentioned.. In this case you would have to choose the lesser evil.And in my case the lesser evil is the situation that this friend of yours have. Because in the first case - if he hates himself, he will not be happy as well. But in this case he will not achieve anything in his life to sublime the lack of the love and the hate that he has inside. It is terrible to have the low self esteem - to be the slave of your fear all your life. In the case of your friend - he is not a slave, at least.

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